There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
