Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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