His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Randomize
