my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize