What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
