I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Enjoy the penises
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize