I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
