This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
