Your mouth is God's brothel.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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