i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
