Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
