how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
