Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize