We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
