remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
