and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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