i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
