the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
