It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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