I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
