After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think I just sharted jello shots
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