I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
