i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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