Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
