my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
