I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
