Swine flu. Run for my life!
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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