Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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