My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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