I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize