I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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