Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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