dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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