what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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