Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
