You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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