i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
