I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
