I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
