I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize