I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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