i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
