I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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