Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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