I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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