This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
