You really coming over, don't trick.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize