i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
