You made me cry and you don't even care
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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