You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
