Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
