Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
