? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
