shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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