I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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