I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
