I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So apparently I’m into choking now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
