my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
