I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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