im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
