Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
