I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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