Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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