Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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