We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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