Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
