And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
not ubering you a puppy
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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