so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Randomize
