you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
